A fashion faux pas can be defined as an error in judgment when it comes to dressing one’s self. Once upon a time it was a faux pas to leave the house without gloves and a hat. Heaven forbid! Fast forward a few decades and hat and glove rules have since disintegrated as society now finds itself in a time where fashion flows freely and the rules are there ain’t no rules. With no rules, fashion, and what people will do with it is in anarchy. The times are dire and modern day fashion faux pas are becoming more and more horrifying. Here are my top ten faux pas that are making Uncle Karl cry.


























Unwanted Skin Exposure
I’ve been witness to far too many unwanted boob and underwear flashes in my time, so it’s a subject and cause I feel rather passionately about. I don’t have anything against the human body. I respect it. I have one of my own. It gets me round, I can’t complain. But I can complain about having my eyes raped at the sight of Tara Reid’s gigantic nipple blatantly exposed from beneath her black cocktail frock. So lets all make a pact shall we? Like something from the sister hood of the travelling bra. Let’s all promise to wear underwear! No Janet Jackson – strange nipple covers don’t cut it. I’m talking bra’s with underwire, and old fashion Bonds undies. Serena Williams, Katy Perry, Britney, Lindsey – high five guys!

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The Hard To Execute Jumpsuit
I don’t have anything against the jumpsuit as a style, it’s just I don’t trust people to wear it in an orderly fashion. More people get the jumpsuit wrong than they get it right. If even Gwenyth Paltrow can get it wrong, its obvious this style need only be left to the true professionals (or at the very least those with smart stylists.) Much like you need a licence to own a gun, I believe there needs to be a similar permission available to own and wear a jumpsuit. I can guarantee the amount of fashion crimes would be significantly reduced if implemented.

Corporate Wear With Sneakers
If a tree falls in the forest, and there's nobody there to hear it, does it make a sound? Yes. If you wear sneakers on the walk home from work in your Cue pencil skirt and blouse and nobody you know sees you, does it make it alright? No. You know the old saying mixing business with pleasure? It also applies to clothing. Work clothes are meant for work, play clothes are for play and joggers are for gym clothes. So next time you decide to flip your heels off for the walk home, think again.

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Age Appropriate Clothing Phobia
Everyone agrees that the best way to grow old is gracefully. Yet not everyone is consciously aware of the fact that they themselves are indeed aging. Obviously age appropriate clothing is a case by case basis, but generally the older you are the less leg you can get away with. This is not the case for Rhonda Birchmore. But this is the case for Samantha Jones circa Sex & the City movie 2. When you think about it the old birds from the 80s tv show The Golden Girls are practically the same age as Samantha and co. I think there is a lesson in that for all of us.

Thou Shalt Not Wear A Wedding Dress Unless Getting Married
Nothing screams scary desperate single female like wearing a white wedding dress to anything but your wedding. This red carpet disaster happens all too often. While a big beautiful white dress may get everyone’s attention, its all for the wrong reasons. The easiest way to get around and not looking like a blushing bride? Avoid white ball gowns, white floor length gown, white puffball dresses and so on.

White Shoes Syndrome
At first I was going to make it crocs. Crocs are definitely a serious faux pas offender. Ugg Boots are another. But really let’s face it, if you’re wearing Crocs and Ugg boots proudly, then you’re probably beyond help. But there are other really bad shoes out there being worn by really good people and this can be easily stopped through shoe education. It used to be a saying somewhere in America that you weren’t to wear white shoes after Labor Day. The modern day rule of thumb is to now never wear white shoes. White shoes are only acceptable at two times of your life:

a) its your wedding day
b) you’re playing lawn bowls

Besides these two occasions, white shoes are never a good idea. ‘What about if I’m wearing a white dress?’ you ask. Well firstly, let’s think about your white dress (see above) and secondly, aim for nude shoes or make a shoe statement with a print or brightly coloured heel.

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Shorts With Stockings
You either shave your legs and wear shorts, or you don’t and wear pants.

Stockings With Open Toed Shoes And Other Bad Habits
Stockings with open toed shoes, socks and sandals, sockets with thongs. Where does it end? It’s the leg equivalent of wearing a polo shirt with a tie. It makes absolutely no sense and again, it’s a case of mixing business with pleasure. Stockings mean business, open toed strappy heels equal pleasure. The two just aren’t meant to be together.

Lack Of Pants

























Am I asking too much? Really? Is this what modern civilization has come to?


Excessive Fake Tan
You know that smell. That repugnant chemical scent that oozes from a girl who has fake tanning abuse. It’s often staunch in the air at musical festivals and race days. And no matter how much fragrance or Impulse deodorant you spray, it never quite goes away. The smell is bad. The glistening orange look is worse. Some fake tan abusers look as if they have been rolling face down in the dirty for days on end. Others resemble the real size offspring of Oompa Loompas. Neither of these looks are marginally sexually attractive to the opposite sex. Unless of coarse you live in an episode of Jersey Shore, which in that case, by all means don’t let me stop you Snooki.